Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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