So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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