found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
