1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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