I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
