I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
