Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
