I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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