Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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