My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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