I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
