Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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