lets start a swedish sibling band together
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How external is "for external use only"?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
