I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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