So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
