this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
