just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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