I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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