Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
my liver is dry heaving
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
