What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
