I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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