you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
