i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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