absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
