the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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