also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
