you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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