how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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