U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
