I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
