Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have post one night stand depression
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