well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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