Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
