i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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