how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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