Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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