Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
