I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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