Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
