Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
