Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
