After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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