I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Even my vagina gasped.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
