if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
