I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
