i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
