We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
