Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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