Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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