I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I am spending my child support on dildos
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
