i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Someone came in the potted fern
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
