She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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