You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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