I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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