good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
