i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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