At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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