I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
