twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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