Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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