on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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