well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
