I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
