she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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