So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
