Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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