do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
