I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
