I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
