life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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